Coloring Pictures! 3/13/12

My sweet baby laying like mommy and coloring.

Chalk time!

I love you Justin!

Wahoo! I love chalk!

Healing.

Yesterday, out of boredom, Kinsey and I took a trip to Walmart to get crayons, coloring books, and sidewalk chalk so we could entertain ourselves. While at Walmart I was looking at the price of the 2nd & 3rd Hunger Games books for Brittni. Since I was in the book section I looked around a bit and found myself in the Inspirational section. That's where I picked up the books, "Satan you can't have my marriage." and "Daily declarations for spiritual warfare." I feel these two books are very important for me to read in my life right now. I feel my life and sometimes my marriage are under attack by Satan. I feel these attacks are placed in ways of negative influences, doubt, fear, and anxiety. When I finally realize these attacks from Satan, I can finally pray them away. When I felt as though someone had wronged me, hurt me, smeared my name, I felt anger, hatred. All I could think was, "how could you say these things to me?" But then I read, Booker T. Washington said , "I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him." So then I realized, I need to let go of that anger I feel toward those who have wronged me so that I can live in peace and happiness. Maybe those people have felt wrong by me. And for that, I apologize. But for those people to judge me and to think they know me, well you don't. If you really knew me you'd know. I get hurt easily, way easily. I'm fragile. I really do care what you think about me. I trust too easily, but when that trust gets damaged, when you have wronged me, well I can never be genuinely your friend again. I'll try, I'll forgive, but those walls were put back up, and that's it. That's how I am with my friendships, not with my husband or family. Because my husband and my family are the most important things in my life. Sometimes, I'm not a good listener because I normally have a lot on my mind. But I really do try! Sometimes it may seems as though I only care about myself or my problems are more important than yours, but its only because I'm reaching out to you for help, support, advice, a shoulder to cry on, someone to say, "It will be okay! I'm here for you." But if a friend of mine is hurting, alone, scared, angry, I'm there for you! Give me the chance to be there for you. I don't know that you need someone if you don't say so. I really do genuinely care about people. Homeless people make me sad. People being picked on for being crippled or mentally disabled, breaks my heart and makes me want to yell at the bully! But I'm not saying I'm perfect and I never judge. Of course I do. When I see someone I immediately judge their clothes, looks, hair, shoes. But that doesn't mean I am judging the person they are. I have been friends with ghettos, punks, goths, preppy, hippies, jocks, cowboys & girls, rednecks.. why? Because it's not how they look on the outside, it's about the inside for me. If you are a fun, happy, genuine person, you reel me in. I'm a good judge of character. I know when someone isn't genuine towards me or has my best interest at heart. The moment you offend me, come in between my marriage, wrong me, hurt my feelings, I am on guard. I don't care what you look like, what your name is, where your from, what music you listen to, if we get along, and you really care about my feelings, then we can be friends! But the moment I get the vibe that you don't care how I feel.. That's it. I'm waving a red flag.. I'm building back up the stones so fast I'll give you whiplash. But I wont let those who have hurt me to have power over me. I forgive you. I forgive you for hurting my feelings. I forgive you for thinking and saying bad things about me. And I apologize to those whose feelings I have hurt because of things I've said out of my hurt and anger. I will watch my tongue, I will speak with kindness, I will forgive and not let my anger control me. I will smile, laugh, listen and love my enemies. For negative thoughts will not have control over me. Anger will not have control over me. I will be strong for myself, my husband and my daughter. I will continue to pray and grow in my faith. I will continue to uphold my vows to my husband and to God. I will be a strong Christian wife and mother. I will clean, cook, love, discipline, wipe tears, play, cuddle, smile, laugh, kiss, and hug. I will please my husband and raise my children in a strong Christian home. I will not speak ill of others, I will pray for them. I will pray for myself. I will heal. I will become stronger, my faith will become more firm. I will be happier. Satan you cant have me, you cant have my marriage, you cant have my family. My heart, my soul, my life belongs to God. My marriage is built on a foundation of love and God. Our marriage and family will always stand strong and firm in our faith. We may trip, fall, make mistakes, but God will always pick us back up and carry us through.

As our second deployment draws slowly to a close, I cant help but think about how emotional, exciting, amazing, it will be to be back in my husbands arms. How I cant wait to start this new life of really strengthening our marriage and our faith by attending church, bible study, and praying together. I'm excited about the fun trips we have planned including our 2 night stay in a hacienda in Palm Springs for a honeymoon! And the tram ride and hiking we have planned when we are there! It's time for an all new marriage, a happier, stronger, spontaneous, fun marriage. It's time for an all new outlook on life, positivity and forgiveness. Prayers and God. Love and laughter. Patience and happiness. I am a nice person, I really am. I really do care about my friends. But sometimes I get so caught up in my own troubles, life, school, work, child, stress, that it may come across as I don't care, I am rude. But as I really continue on my journey to be a strong Christian woman and wife, I realize I need to really make time for my friends, I need to set some time aside to just forget about everything I'm dealing with and be there for my friends. To completely be selfless and listen to you, be there for you, this includes my husband as well. I need to be there more for him as well. I may pray for his stress and for his day, but I really need to ask, how is your day going, how are you feeling. That will open up the door for better communication and strengthen our bond and marriage. So as I end this so I can get ready for bible study with Megan, I apologize once again to those I have wronged and I hope you forgive me as I have forgiven you. I really do wish for the best for the people that I know, whether we are friends or not. I know what emotional pain is like, what stress is like, what hurt feels like, and I dont wish it upon anyone. So may God bless all of you in all that you do. May He be your strength in times of fear, stress and anxiety. May He heal you of any wounds. May He bring you more happiness than sadness. More peace than stress. Have a great night all of you. And God bless.

Justin Max, I love you with all my heart. You are my hearts one desire. You are strong and brave and handsome. I admire you. I love you. I miss you. I can't wait until you are home. It's so soon baby! So keep your head up, think happy thoughts and of the good times to come! I pray for you always. I hope you're sleeping good right now! I'm waiting for you baby. I love you, always & forever.

Pictures!

My bath crayon drawings. lol

I thought only kids 3 and up did this?! Lol. Thank goodness for washable crayon and magic erasers.

All clean!

Kinsey wiping away her coloring with her finger.

Kinsey coloring with her bath crayons! they wash off very easily.

New friend.

So today is Sunday and normally I would go to church but today I missed it. I got to talk to my husband last night and we had an amazing conversation. Oh how I love that man. We talked about how we are going to grow stronger in our faith in God and about raising Kinsey and our future children knowing and loving the Lord. I feel so blessed to have a husband who loves the Lord as much as I do. With our love for each other and our love for God, there is nothing we can't overcome. We have proven it time and time again. There is no one else I would rather spend the rest of my life with than my husband. He is such an amazing, strong, brave, loyal, and trustworthy man. We both know for a matter of fact that God made us for each other. There is no doubt in my mind that he is my soul mate. I am a stronger and better woman because of him. So thank you Justin, thank you for loving me through all my faults and mistakes. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for being a strong shoulder for me to lean on. Thank you for this once in a lifetime love. Thank you for providing for me and our daughter. Thank you for being a truly amazing husband. I am beyond excited for the many more years we have ahead of us. I can't wait until you are home! I promise to always love you in all your forms. To never give up. To always stand by your side and support you. To always greet you with a smile and a kiss. To be the wife you deserve. I love you darlin.

Today I made a new friend. Her name is Megan. We have been facebook friends for quite some time and the poor girls husband deployed this morning. So I spent time with her, hoping I took her mind off of things. She is a very sweet girl and very excited about starting to attend church with me. I am wanting to surround myself with other christian wives. Other women who have the same values and beliefs as me. After being spurned and fooled by other women, I have learned my lesson and I know that the women I can really be close with and trust, are those who walk with the Lord. When you walk with the Lord there is a light around you. You are a happier person, stronger, more caring. It's amazing to feel and beautiful to see. So Megan and I just talked a bit, got to know each other and watched Breaking Dawn. Kinsey, of course, took to Megan right away. She is not a shy baby. Megan also volunteered to babysit Kinsey on Justin's homecoming night and the 2 nights we go to Palm Springs! What a weight off of my shoulders! Thank you so much Megan! So after Megan left I was the Academy Awards with Kinsey. She was so cute, clapping when everyone else on TV did. Lol. Then she started throwing her tantrums, as usual. So at 8 I gave her a bath, said a nightly prayer with her and put her to bed. Now I'm drinking coffee, feeling sleepy, but trying to stay awake so I can work on homework. I hate that I missed church this morning but I have an appointment with my pastor on Tuesday and bible study on Wednesday and Megan will be joining me. I love going to church, I love studying the bible, I love sitting down with my pastor one on one and just learning how to live my life and handle tough situations by trusting in God, by walking with the Lord, by growing in my faith. Life is just so much more beautiful when you have Jesus in your heart. I couldn't imagine where I'd be without God. I will always stand firm in my faith. I will never waiver.

So now it's time to get to my Federal Income Taxation homework. I mean of course this class would take place during tax season right?! Lol. This is a tough class, I'm not cut out for math. We disagree on how equations work. Lol. So wish me luck! This might be a long night! I've got plenty of coffee to keep me going :)

Sweet bath time baby!

Sweet baby after bath! Is she pointing at me? Lol.

After bath in her jammies, sleepy baby ready for bed :)

Starting Over.

I haven't done this blog thing in a while. I decided to start back up since I no longer have a facebook right now and I'd like to keep my husband and my family updated.

Today went really well. I got a phone call from my handsome husband at 2am and talked to him on skype as well. I made Kinsey and I pancakes for breakfast. All day long I have been working on laundry and dishes, vacuumed the living room and dusted the furniture. For lunch kinsey had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She watched Rango while I did the laundry. Then she had a pickle for a snack. She seriously loves those things! Then I took her on a walk in her stroller around the neighborhood. We saw a huge jackrabbit and then a few bunnies, Kinsey loved watching them! It was a very beautiful day today so it was nice to take advantage of it and go on a walk, burn some calories, and look at nature. When we got back home Kinsey watched Joesph: King of dreams. An animated movie about Joseph from the bible, while I cleaned the bathroom. I like that there is animated movies of stories from the bible. I like being able to introduce Kinsey to the bible and to God early on. It is very important that Justin and I raise our children in a Christian home. God is the reason I have this strength and faith. God is the reason that I have the strength to wake up in the morning, make breakfast, run after Kinsey all day, do laundry, dishes, clean the house, workout, do homework, wait patiently for my husband. God gives me the strength to get through my hardest, most exhausting days with a smile on my face knowing that I'm one day closer to being with my husband again, to having him wrap his arms around me. It's so close I can almost taste it! My days are long, my child throws about 10 tantrums a day, breaks through the baby gate and gets into the kitchen about 6 times a day, gets crumbs and snacks all over the floor everyday, can now climb up on the couch by herself.. my neck hurts, my back hurts, I'm tired. But then I think of what my husband goes through, I get to sleep in a real bed, he doesn't. I have heat when it is cold and air conditioner when it is hot, he doesn't. I can shower whenever I want and watch my favorite tv shows, he can't. I get to do all this because of what my husband does. I have no right to complain, because he has it worse.

And although I feel the sting of missing him everyday, I smile, I carry on, I do my duties, because of Gods love for me and my love for God and my husband. Because soon, real soon, I'll finally have my husband back. How luck I am to be married to my best friend, my hero, my soulmate. So I hope you're sleeping good tonight my love, my husband. I hope God is blessing you with sweet dreams. I only have 1 more hour before Kinsey's bath and bed time. And then about 4 more hours until I can sleep. I need to do some more cleaning and do some homework. Remember sweet husband, that I'm always thinking of you, missing you, wanting you, waiting for you, loving you, and praying for you. I love you handsome <3

Just as I think the day is winding down, Kinsey's bath time is in 10 minutes, she is running around naked and I'm getting the movie Bad Teacher loaded on the internet for me to watch after Kinsey goes to bed.. I'm thinking to myself I get to relax for a little over an hour before I dive into the homework. Then of course, Kinsey pee's on the bottom of the entertainment stand. Of course! Well no big deal, it's just pee, I wipe it up. Turning back to the computer to finish setting up Bad Teacher, I turn back to Kinsey 20 seconds later, I see her kneeled down putting her finger in something brown and then making the move to put in her mouth. Took me a moment to register, but she pooped all over the carpet and was now about to put the poop in her mouth! I let out a scream to throw her off her intended target of poop finger in mouth, grab her by the hand and hurry her to the bathroom where I have to shower her off in the bath tub that I just bleached 2 hours before. I give her a 15 minute bath and hurry and spot treat the poop stains with oxy clean. Then I have to steam clean the carpet that I had vacuumed 4 hours earlier, and mop the poop trail off the hallway floor that I had just mopped 1 hour earlier. Oh the life of a mom, when you think your job is done, your child always has a disgusting surprise for you. Well now that my baby is bathed and in bed, the carpet is clean, and the hallway is mopped, I think I will enjoy an hour and a half of relaxation before I torture myself with Federal Income Taxation homework. Yuck! Can't wait to crawl into bed and dream of my handsome husband and then wake up to a phone call from him. I love you darlin.

Mrs. Justine Brewer

After PB&J lunch time!

The start of lunch :)

Kinsey on our walk.

All ready to go on a walk!

Mojave Viper

Today I went and visited my husband today at Camp Wilson with 2 other wives Nicole and Amanda then went again with Brittany! It was so good seeing my husband! To hold him, kiss him, hear him laugh.. I wish I could have brought him home with me! Well upon arriving home and getting on facebook i find out that some 3/7 wives are in an upheaval about us going to see our husbands! We only went out there because they asked us too and said they wouldn't get in trouble, which they didn't. Its sad seeing wives turn on others because they didn't get to see or talk to their husbands. I'm sorry but that is out of our control! I would love for all the wives to see their husbands, I would love for all the husbands to be home instead of in the field a month and a half before deployment. But this is the way it is sadly. I've had some 3/7 wives delete me and/or block me over this, and again this makes me sad! Arent we supposed to support each other? Be happy for each other? Be there to hold each other up when we are falling to pieces?? I want to do my best to support the other wives, invite them over when they are lonely.. give them advice if this is their first deployment, but they aren't giving me the chance to do so nor getting to know me! Or one minute they are my friends and the next I'm off their facebook because I saw my husband? Dont make me feel guilty for taking the opportunity to see my husband! I really hope we can rebuild these friendships or give each other a chance. We are strong women and we may have our faults, we may break, cry, be jealous, catty, mean.. what have you! But there is a time when we need to realize we need each other.. and if you don't agree with that than that's okay.. As I further my walk with God and I'm trying to be more understanding, more supportive and more positive, but its so hard when other women are doing their best to cut you down, make you feel bad.. As long as I know I'm not doing anything wrong my conscious is clear. as long as I'm being the best wife I can be and my husband is happy than I'm happy. As long as I'm being the best friend I can be, then I feel good. And as long as I'm living a Christian life and I have Jesus in my heart then I feel amazing, happy, wonderful! And as long as my daughter is happy and healthy, then I can clean the house later, the dishes can wait.. and the laundry will be done sometime.. My family is my first priority. I am proud and amazed of my husband. I have great amazing, supportive and positive friends in my life, my daughter is a beautiful handful and I'm living in the beautiful light of God and I cant thank my husband enough for bringing me back to my faith and for bringing so much joy and happiness in my life. I love you baby!

So girls lets stick together and get through MV and deployment, we are all going to need each other at some point.

:]

First post of a new outlook.

I had a blog before this one, I deleted it. I was nothing but negative on my last blog. So after some time I decided to start a blog again, but this time with a new outlook on life. In this blog I will write about growing in my faith, my daughter growing up, deployment and military life as well as my new obsession, weight loss. I'm wanting to be a more positive person and surround myself with positive people. I will not delve into the private parts of my marriage, and I will not speak negatively about my husband. My husband is a wonderful man who brought me back to my faith when we started dating. He is the best friend and the best love a girl could ask for. I cant thank him enough for all he has done for me nor could I ever put into words how much I love him and how proud of him I am. I am also writing this blog in hopes when he deploys he can get on it and see how Kinsey and I are doing, see the things he is missing. I will also be doing a deployment scrapbook for him and doing my best to keep a journal. Let's see how well I can keep all these things up! Being a stay at home mom, a housewife and a full time student can be overwhelming. The washer is broken and I can't do laundry. I can't hardly clean while Kinsey is awake but she likes to get into everything, nor can I do school work while she is awake. But I do my best, I love my life. Life never comes without struggle, but struggle makes us who we are today. It molds us into strong human beings. Kinsey may drive me crazy at times, but when I watch her learn something new, I swell up with pride and my eyes fill up with tears and I get the pleasure of being her mother and teaching her new things. My husband may be gone quite often, nights may be lonely, weekends boring, I miss him like crazy, but I wouldnt change this life for anything. He is my best friend, near or far I love him more everyday. He is a true hero in my eyes, a war veteran, brave and strong. Everything I could have ever wanted in a man, I found in him. God has blessed me with a wonderful, handsome caring husband and wonderful father to our daughter. God has blessed me with a beautiful, smart, happy baby girl. My life is hectic at times, sometimes stressful, sometimes uneventful and boring, but this is my life. The life I love with the man I love, my daughter I love, and my God I love :]