Christian Life of a Marine Wife: March 2012

Yesterday, out of boredom, Kinsey and I took a trip to Walmart to get crayons, coloring books, and sidewalk chalk so we could entertain ourselves. While at Walmart I was looking at the price of the 2nd & 3rd Hunger Games books for Brittni. Since I was in the book section I looked around a bit and found myself in the Inspirational section. That's where I picked up the books, "Satan you can't have my marriage." and "Daily declarations for spiritual warfare." I feel these two books are very important for me to read in my life right now. I feel my life and sometimes my marriage are under attack by Satan. I feel these attacks are placed in ways of negative influences, doubt, fear, and anxiety. When I finally realize these attacks from Satan, I can finally pray them away. When I felt as though someone had wronged me, hurt me, smeared my name, I felt anger, hatred. All I could think was, "how could you say these things to me?" But then I read, Booker T. Washington said , "I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him." So then I realized, I need to let go of that anger I feel toward those who have wronged me so that I can live in peace and happiness. Maybe those people have felt wrong by me. And for that, I apologize. But for those people to judge me and to think they know me, well you don't. If you really knew me you'd know. I get hurt easily, way easily. I'm fragile. I really do care what you think about me. I trust too easily, but when that trust gets damaged, when you have wronged me, well I can never be genuinely your friend again. I'll try, I'll forgive, but those walls were put back up, and that's it. That's how I am with my friendships, not with my husband or family. Because my husband and my family are the most important things in my life. Sometimes, I'm not a good listener because I normally have a lot on my mind. But I really do try! Sometimes it may seems as though I only care about myself or my problems are more important than yours, but its only because I'm reaching out to you for help, support, advice, a shoulder to cry on, someone to say, "It will be okay! I'm here for you." But if a friend of mine is hurting, alone, scared, angry, I'm there for you! Give me the chance to be there for you. I don't know that you need someone if you don't say so. I really do genuinely care about people. Homeless people make me sad. People being picked on for being crippled or mentally disabled, breaks my heart and makes me want to yell at the bully! But I'm not saying I'm perfect and I never judge. Of course I do. When I see someone I immediately judge their clothes, looks, hair, shoes. But that doesn't mean I am judging the person they are. I have been friends with ghettos, punks, goths, preppy, hippies, jocks, cowboys & girls, rednecks.. why? Because it's not how they look on the outside, it's about the inside for me. If you are a fun, happy, genuine person, you reel me in. I'm a good judge of character. I know when someone isn't genuine towards me or has my best interest at heart. The moment you offend me, come in between my marriage, wrong me, hurt my feelings, I am on guard. I don't care what you look like, what your name is, where your from, what music you listen to, if we get along, and you really care about my feelings, then we can be friends! But the moment I get the vibe that you don't care how I feel.. That's it. I'm waving a red flag.. I'm building back up the stones so fast I'll give you whiplash. But I wont let those who have hurt me to have power over me. I forgive you. I forgive you for hurting my feelings. I forgive you for thinking and saying bad things about me. And I apologize to those whose feelings I have hurt because of things I've said out of my hurt and anger. I will watch my tongue, I will speak with kindness, I will forgive and not let my anger control me. I will smile, laugh, listen and love my enemies. For negative thoughts will not have control over me. Anger will not have control over me. I will be strong for myself, my husband and my daughter. I will continue to pray and grow in my faith. I will continue to uphold my vows to my husband and to God. I will be a strong Christian wife and mother. I will clean, cook, love, discipline, wipe tears, play, cuddle, smile, laugh, kiss, and hug. I will please my husband and raise my children in a strong Christian home. I will not speak ill of others, I will pray for them. I will pray for myself. I will heal. I will become stronger, my faith will become more firm. I will be happier. Satan you cant have me, you cant have my marriage, you cant have my family. My heart, my soul, my life belongs to God. My marriage is built on a foundation of love and God. Our marriage and family will always stand strong and firm in our faith. We may trip, fall, make mistakes, but God will always pick us back up and carry us through.

As our second deployment draws slowly to a close, I cant help but think about how emotional, exciting, amazing, it will be to be back in my husbands arms. How I cant wait to start this new life of really strengthening our marriage and our faith by attending church, bible study, and praying together. I'm excited about the fun trips we have planned including our 2 night stay in a hacienda in Palm Springs for a honeymoon! And the tram ride and hiking we have planned when we are there! It's time for an all new marriage, a happier, stronger, spontaneous, fun marriage. It's time for an all new outlook on life, positivity and forgiveness. Prayers and God. Love and laughter. Patience and happiness. I am a nice person, I really am. I really do care about my friends. But sometimes I get so caught up in my own troubles, life, school, work, child, stress, that it may come across as I don't care, I am rude. But as I really continue on my journey to be a strong Christian woman and wife, I realize I need to really make time for my friends, I need to set some time aside to just forget about everything I'm dealing with and be there for my friends. To completely be selfless and listen to you, be there for you, this includes my husband as well. I need to be there more for him as well. I may pray for his stress and for his day, but I really need to ask, how is your day going, how are you feeling. That will open up the door for better communication and strengthen our bond and marriage. So as I end this so I can get ready for bible study with Megan, I apologize once again to those I have wronged and I hope you forgive me as I have forgiven you. I really do wish for the best for the people that I know, whether we are friends or not. I know what emotional pain is like, what stress is like, what hurt feels like, and I dont wish it upon anyone. So may God bless all of you in all that you do. May He be your strength in times of fear, stress and anxiety. May He heal you of any wounds. May He bring you more happiness than sadness. More peace than stress. Have a great night all of you. And God bless.

Justin Max, I love you with all my heart. You are my hearts one desire. You are strong and brave and handsome. I admire you. I love you. I miss you. I can't wait until you are home. It's so soon baby! So keep your head up, think happy thoughts and of the good times to come! I pray for you always. I hope you're sleeping good right now! I'm waiting for you baby. I love you, always & forever.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Coloring Pictures! 3/13/12

Healing.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Pictures!